bryan suddith dot com

I am still working on the Cuba stuff. It is foremost in my mind. Seems that I left all my energy there on that Island. I cant seem to get rested enough. I burnt me leg real bad on Monday night. My workout was mediocre at best. I was a tired Jerk all day at work on Tuesday. I slept horribly after Wings last night. My truck started sluggish this morning (I think it needs a timing belt). I am here with my coffee hating life at this very moment.
It is times like this that I really wish I had an anonymous blog. It would be easier really to be a grouchy jerk when I feel like it. I happen to know that the 3-4 of you regular readers come here for a good laugh. But today..folks..I just dont have it in me.

Seems the believer in me has no trouble saying things like “put your trust in Him” or “God is good all the time”. I believe both of these things with all my heart. But today..I am telling you. Today. I struggle. Things are good at home. I am not sleeping on the couch..the kids are good. But since my return home on Sunday..daddy has been on cruise control. Not really connecting with my boys or wifey at all.
I wonder if this is just a re-entry to my American life after living so differently for a week in Cuba. I wonder if this is the enemy’s attack. I wonder. I wonder. Sometimes I wonder if there are perfect jobs. I wonder if the next one will keep me challenged and happy for 2 years. Or six months. I worry at times that perhaps this is as good as it gets here on this fallen earth. I have to remind myself that there is more after this. This broken place is temporary. That gives me one minute of freedom…then I am jolted back to reality with a screaming kid, the ping of my email, the ring of the phone, or the duties associated with being a husband and father.
On Saturday night I was flying from Atlanta to Dayton on Delta’s red eye. We left Atlanta around 10 p.m. Nothing separated our plane from the setting western sun except the tropical storm that was now settled over the mid south. What a sight. For one moment I had a glimpse of the earth as He created it. The clouds, the colors, the rain, all rested in its beauty high above the fallen world that we inhabit. For one moment. One moment. I was able to see the world as God had intended it. With that I was able to lay my head and with a sense of peace, rest. For at 16,000 feet, my fallen world was a million light years away. For at that moment, in coach, politics, work and life’s dutiful responsibilities were not a care of mine.
It is that peace that I search for. But how do you marry that peace with our life on this earth. How do those two live together. I have no idea. But I am searching and looking. When I figure it out. I will let you know.