Coffee and marriage
Posted on September 30, 2009
Melissa and I have heard that his and her sinks, closets, garages, t.v.’s, etc. are the keys to a happy marriage. In a small one bathroom house, with less than a one car garage and only two t.v.’s all those “rules” are out the window. Our home averages about 260 sq. feet per person, not counting the dog, rabbit or hamster. We get along the old fashioned way. Compromise.
The end of our marriage became clear when Melissa declared recently, “I am going to learn to like coffee”. Why is this a necessity? She is a thirtysomething stay at home, homeschooling mom, who runs marathons for fun. So, sleep is short, she demands 10 hours and has to get by on 8.5 most nights. Diet Mt. Dew just doesn’t cut it. Besides, we don’t have a pantry to store 7-10 two litre bottles of the Diet Dew.
Coffee is easy. I have an expresso maker. Italian stove top style. Nope she declares too strong. She buys those instant packs. I state my absolute refusal to drink coffee from a tea bag. So we buy a traditional coffee maker. Free from the interweb no less.
This is good. Except I brew a pot of the dark breakfast blend roast. Too strong she declares while adding a 1/2 cup of water and 6 sweet and low’s to her java. We use all the breakfast blend and move to the french vanilla coffee. It came with the free coffee pot.
She loved it. A bit strong she says but she likes it. I can live with it. Let me remind you about my coffee here. http://www.bryansuddith.com/2009/03/14/coffee/
We finish off the vanilla flavored coffee. This is where it goes south. We head to the grocery store together to find more coffee. Suddenly separate sinks, closets, garages and possible a second bedroom seems appropriate. She is picking out every bag of ground beans that doesn’t sound like, smell like or taste like coffee. Creme’ brulee, caramel heaven, choco loco love, vanilla potpourri in a cup, I am checking out coffee. Coffee flavored coffee. Her list reads like the dessert menu at a steakhouse.
I was second away from buying a second coffee pot when I found the solution to our impending situation. Coffee flavoring syrup. This 20 ounce bottle of sugar free syrup is the answer. With just a teaspoon of this stuff in your coffee, your coffee no longer tastes like coffee. Voila’! Eureka! I have found it!
I grab my wife, who is panicking at the thought of a robust dark blend, and handed her a bottle of Sugar Free, No Calorie, Caramel Flavored syrup for her coffee. She held the bottle like a life line handed to her at sea, smiled, exhaled and acquiesced to my coffee flavored coffee.
All is well. This morning I awoke next to my wife and the smell of our coffee flavored coffee brewing just 40 feet down the hall. Marriage is good. Marriage with good coffee is even better. Thank you sugar free, calorie free, Caramel syrup. Tonight I make a place in my new cabinets for you, and your vanilla, chocolate and almond flavored friends. Welcome to my home, but stay out of my coffee cup.
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