Coffee and marriage

Posted on September 30, 2009

Melissa and I have heard that his and her sinks, closets, garages, t.v.’s, etc. are the keys to a happy marriage. In a small one bathroom house, with less than a one car garage and only two t.v.’s all those “rules” are out the window. Our home averages about 260 sq. feet per person, not counting the dog, rabbit or hamster. We get along the old fashioned way. Compromise.

The end of our marriage became clear when Melissa declared recently, “I am going to learn to like coffee”. Why is this a necessity? She is a thirtysomething stay at home, homeschooling mom, who runs marathons for fun. So, sleep is short, she demands 10 hours and has to get by on 8.5 most nights. Diet Mt. Dew just doesn’t cut it. Besides, we don’t have a pantry to store 7-10 two litre bottles of the Diet Dew.

Coffee is easy. I have an expresso maker. Italian stove top style. Nope she declares too strong. She buys those instant packs. I state my absolute refusal to drink coffee from a tea bag. So we buy a traditional coffee maker. Free from the interweb no less.

This is good. Except I brew a pot of the dark breakfast blend roast. Too strong she declares while adding a 1/2 cup of water and 6 sweet and low’s to her java. We use all the breakfast blend and move to the french vanilla coffee. It came with the free coffee pot.

She loved it. A bit strong she says but she likes it. I can live with it. Let me remind you about my coffee here. http://www.bryansuddith.com/2009/03/14/coffee/

We finish off the vanilla flavored coffee. This is where it goes south. We head to the grocery store together to find more coffee. Suddenly separate sinks, closets, garages and possible a second bedroom seems appropriate. She is picking out every bag of ground beans that doesn’t sound like, smell like or taste like coffee. Creme’ brulee, caramel heaven, choco loco love, vanilla potpourri in a cup, I am checking out coffee. Coffee flavored coffee. Her list reads like the dessert menu at a steakhouse.

I was second away from buying a second coffee pot when I found the solution to our impending situation. Coffee flavoring syrup. This 20 ounce bottle of sugar free syrup is the answer. With just a teaspoon of this stuff in your coffee, your coffee no longer tastes like coffee. Voila’! Eureka! I have found it!

I grab my wife, who is panicking at the thought of a robust dark blend, and handed her a bottle of Sugar Free, No Calorie, Caramel Flavored syrup for her coffee. She held the bottle like a life line handed to her at sea, smiled, exhaled and acquiesced to my coffee flavored coffee.

All is well. This morning I awoke next to my wife and the smell of our coffee flavored coffee brewing just 40 feet down the hall. Marriage is good. Marriage with good coffee is even better. Thank you sugar free, calorie free, Caramel syrup. Tonight I make a place in my new cabinets for you, and your vanilla, chocolate and almond flavored friends. Welcome to my home, but stay out of my coffee cup.

Homeschooling

Posted on August 25, 2009

Yesterday began our 4th official year of homeschooling. Longer if you count the hours Melissa spent on preschool and kindergarten for both Caleb and Andrew. We have found great success in homeschooling and our boys have thrived in the close environment of a two student classroom.

But, even in today’s world of school choice and alternative education many myths surround homeschoolers and friends always have good questions. I try to never pass up the opportunity to brag on my wife and children and the benefits of homeschooling. So I have put together a small frequently asked questions section about our family and homeschooling.

Why? I always answer, why not? It has always been the parents responsibility to educate their children. The most successful students in any school are the students where the parents read to them at an early age and continue to take a large interest in their children’s education. Secondly, I answer that schools, all of them, Public, Private, Charter, Parochial and any other all suffer the same issues of over worked teachers, over crowded classrooms and the inability to give my child the attention their mother can.

Do I live in the city of Dayton? No, we live in Kettering, home to great schools and great teachers.

Do you have something against teachers? No, we have many friends who teach and administer in public, private and parochial schools here in the Miami Valley.

Do you have to be certified to teach at home? No, not in Ohio, the exact laws can be found at the Home School Legal Defense Website listed below.

What about social interaction? This is my favorite question. Anyone that asks this has never met either of my children. I first remind them of that awkward introverted kid from kindergarten. Remember that kid getting picked on in 3rd grade? Remember the same kid in 8th grade. At the dance, unfashionable and alone. Remember that same kid graduating in the middle of his class and no one remembering what happened to him. Not very social, kinda awkward, public or private school did nothing to help him be social. We all know at least one of those from our school days. My kids are in Cub Scouts, Karate, Soccer, Piano, T-Ball, Flag Football, summer Library program and YMCA day camp with your kids.

Do your kids have homework? Yes, it is all homework. We have a classroom in our house where school happens. Occasionally you will see my kids at the Y still working on assignments instead of playing in the middle of the day, but normally they are done when the neighbors get home from Kettering public and Spring Valley Academy.

How are your kids doing? My first grader tested on the Iowa Basic skills test the equivalent of your 2nd grader in the 7 month of school. My third grader tested equivalent to a normal 6th grader in the 4th month. I would say they are doing fine.

What about your poor wife, staying home with the kids year around? She likes our kids, loves them a bit too much sometimes and finds the investment in them is more important than a new mini van or larger house. I pay her only a modest salary to teach which she squanders on Diet Mountain Dew, Flip Flops from Old Navy and season passes to Kings Island for her and the boys.

What about the poor kids? They love it. They have a bit more freedom in the classroom, less evening work than their friends, the best teacher student ratio in the county and the same cool field trips to the zoo, theater, museum and they get Friday afternoons off.

Who picks the curriculum? We do, we use a blue print from a book called “A Well Trained Mind”.

Are you some crazy granola family that makes their own clothing and foodstuffs? No. We shop like everyone else.

Are you crazy Christians who hide their children from the world and teach anti evolution materials? No and No. We teach creationism and teach the THEORY of evolution. Our kids are hanging with your kids and aren’t hidden from anyone. They see movies at the theater and read books from the public library. They are just smarter than your average 2nd and 4th graders.

What about music? Art? Advanced math and science? Private piano lessons, wanna hear my boys play? Art? Most schools have ditched art in the name of budgets, we still study the masters, teach sketching and drawing. Math and Science, did I mention Melissa holds an engineering degree from a big SEC school?

The best part of all of this: we are in control of what happens in the classroom. Someday they may attend a traditional school and they will be well prepared.

Any more questions? Just leave a comment I will sure to answer as best I can.

Our resource for the legalities and procedures is the Home School Legal Defense Association.

Just call me sir!

Posted on July 10, 2009

In December of 1998 my father in law and I pinned on two gold bars to the shoulders of my wife Melissa. She had just been commissioned a 2Lt. in the United States Air Force. Married for barely 18 months and armed with little more than some shiny boots, 4 years of ROTC and a degree in Environmental Engineering so new the ink wasn’t dry, she was headed to serve in the USAF.

2 months and a trip to the Bahamas later she reported to Patrick Air Force base. Satellite Beach Florida is home to the 45th Space Wing. Engineering Group would be her home 8-4 Mon-Friday. Poolside at our apartment would be her weekend assignment. There are few Air Force officers compared to men. At Patrick there were even fewer than normal. Retired General’s wives outnumber female officers 10 – 1 at this tiny beach outpost.

I would drop her off at work every day. We had only one car and I needed it to get to the driving range and beach while she worked on our nation’s defense. She actually worked in Environmental Engineering saving endangered bats and designing Osprey nesting boxes on the base. I played golf and worked on my tan.

Anyhoo, at the gate the guard would look at me and salute me when I entered to pick her up. I figured its a perk of being married to an officer. We had the Blue DOD sticker and I enjoyed my status as a kept man and sole male member of the officers wive’s club. (I actually never joined.)

On occasion, while I was dressed in a Ron Jon’s t-shirt, goatee and ball cap, Melissa would be riding shotgun wearing her camo BDU’s and headgear with the aforementioned shiny bar. They still looked and saluted at me! Most boys at the gate never would look to the officer in the seat beside me.

When Melissa would call the super efficient Tri Care health care program for some need, they would ask some routine questions. What is your social security number ma’am. She would reply with 400-72-3687.*(Not her actual number) Then they would ask for the “sponsor’s” social. She would say 400-72-3687*. This should indicate to most customer service people that she, the patient, is also the active duty military sponsor. The customer service person would repeat, many times in a slower and louder voice, “No ma’am, I asked for the sponsor’s social.” Melissa would counter with “I am the sponsor.” They would retort, “No ma’am, we need the number of the military person.” “I AM THE MILITARY PERSON!”. Awkward for the customer service rep everytime.

We still joke about this all the time. But it got worse last week when I received my certificate of nomination from the American Legion. I quote:

In gratitude for your war-time service, this certifies that Bryan Suddith, upon meeting the strict requirements set forth by the Congress of the United States of America shall thereby be accepted for Official Membership in the American Legion.

Yeah. We laughed too. She is the vet. She served. She did the 4.5 years at LSU, home of the Fighting Tigers, two summers of training in San Antonio in June and July and can field strip an M-16 like nobody’s business. During war-time, I was poolside with a Red Stripe or home ironing her uniform. Thank her, but I will keep my certificate suitable for framing from the American Legion.

American Legion invite

** Her real number is 123-45-6789

Post Office conundrum

Posted on April 10, 2009

Today I stopped into the US Post Office on Ludlow between 2nd and 3rd St. This place is always empty and there is never a clerk at the counter. There is a sign made of yellow paper hanging on a stanchion 5 feet from the counter. The sign says:

Do not approach the counter, Please wait to be called.

This is the equivelant of the “line”. Wait at the line. Even when no one else is there. A similar hand made sign is taped to the counter. (To the left in the photo) and there is a professional sign attached to the counter as well. This is not a problem. I normally wait behind the first sign, on a nice USPS rug and wait for the person to appear from behind the great wall.

But..But..today I noticed a new sign. Look on the counter. In the same color yellow, the sign reads:

Please Ring Bell

Okay this is a trick. Don’t leave the carpet without permission. To get permission you have to leave the carpet and ring the bell. What to do? Ring and be wrong or wait all day. Hmm. I chose to wait.

Click on the photo and click again for a closer look.

Food

Posted on March 30, 2009

I love food. I don’t want to marry it, nor am I addicted to any one special kind of food. I just love food. Not sure I am a foodie or not. Recently attempts have been made at a food review website. Writing and food seem like a good mix. Growing up lower middle class limited my fine dining experience. I remember my first meal at the Blue Chip club in Cincinnati. Nervous about forks, my tie and what to order for the brunch meal.

These days I am happy to say that I am equally comfortable at the Oakwood Club or the Dixie Diner in New Lebanon. For all the food I love, and recently I have been eating more salads and seafood, than burgers and steak, I can not make a decision about food. This is not a problem for most people, but at least 5 times a week I am eating out with someone and a decision has to be made.

This is the one decision I hate to make. I don’t care, Asian Fusion, Classic American, Deli or Diner, Italian or Pizza joint. I don’t care. I have a friend in the same category. When we eat he is quick to eliminate the one place that we understand is sometimes not appropriate. His requirement? A good bacon cheeseburger. I may be having a great pasta dish, or a pizza, or even a good salad with seafood piled high, he wants a good bacon cheeseburger.

To avoid the decision making process I have begun to implement a new strategy. It goes like this:

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